To Live and Die Is To Be Lucky - BonnieBamon
by damnbamon
Summary: Bonnie attends her father's funeral, and though invisible to those around her, in a turn of events, Damon becomes her anchor of hope. - Short drabble taking place in season 5
Bonnie attends her father's funeral, and though invisible to those around her, in a turn of events, Damon becomes her anchor of hope.

 **Short drabble taking place in season 5**

* * *

Bonnie was dead, this was certain. She was nothing but air...invisible matter to her friends. But, there she was in the small church on the outside of town, where few people gathered for her father Rudy's funeral. There were familiar cousins, and towns people there, but out of everyone Bonnie only cared about her best friends. Caroline, and Elena.

They still didn't know she was dead, and a few murmurs of Bonnie's whereabouts were heard throughout the room. Her eyes caught Jeremy several feet away, standing holding Elena's hand. Bonnie smiled just a little bit, and Jeremy gave her a tender smile back. Her eyes then saw Damon, on the other side of Elena, and she sighed. Damon was not her favorite person in the world, and he had never even met Rudy. Bonnie wished they hadn't brought him, but, at the same time, the way he was looking at the open casket was apologetic, curious.

Bonnie's heart sank in her chest, and she tried to avoid looking at Rudy's still body. She walked over to where Jeremy stood, and looked around for Caroline. She spotted the blonde with Matt, holding a plastic cup of water. It was nice, all her friends were there. Though none of them had met her father more than a few times, they all cared so much. If only she could tell them how much she missed them, hug them, and be hugged.

It wasn't fair that her father was dead. Silas was a monster, he was more than a monster, he was practically Satan himself. No, that wasn't true. Silas was evil, but he was an idiot. He was selfish, and flawed. To call him Satan would be to high of a throning. Bonnie swallowed hard and wrapped her arms around herself. You think when you're dead, there is no more pain. Death is to be a blackness, where all the pain, depression, and hardships are no longer relevant. This is a lie. Death is similar to life, in ways only she knew. Ways that the rest of her friends would not know until they were dead themselves. At least, for supernatural creatures, the pain was still there. The other side was dim, eerie. Sometimes her heart hurt so much that she wished she could die again somehow. The only thing good about Rudy's death is that he was somewhere else. Perhaps where he was, was peaceful.

Bonnie's eyes had filled with tears, and Jeremy who had been watching her, pulled away from Elena to slowly walk over to her, pretending to be looking at his cellphone.

"Are you okay?" Jeremy asked her, looking at his phone, and briefly looking up at her.

"No, Jeremy. I am not okay." she replied, more than a little upset.

The months she had spent with Jeremy, were dragging on, and on. He was the only one who could see her, and perhaps she should have been appreciative, and at first she was, but, the longer she was with him, the more she grew tired of him. Bonnie was only grateful he was keeping her secret. She was no longer in love with him, death had drained this from her. When you have all the time to see clearly and look back on your life, you realize your regrets. Bonnie was not sure if she regretted dying to bring Jeremy back. She wished she was alive, but, she did not wish he was dead.

"It will be okay, he's in peace." he told her, and she took a breath, turning away from him quickly and walking away.

She didn't want to hear about peace, or things being okay. She was dead, she could not do anything, save anyone... Where was the hope in that?

Bonnie stepped over to Rudy's coffin, after everyone had disappeared, and some people were leaving.

"I love you." she whispered, several tears dripped down onto her cheeks.

"I'm so angry. I can't get rid of the feelings. It's as though it's eating me from the inside out. The sadness too." Bonnie continued, eyes glistening, "What is the point, of death? Why did you have to die? Sometimes I don't think I died for anything, not really. Like I'm lost..."

Her breath hitched in her throat, "Just completely, and utterly lost, and I'll never be found."

Bonnie wiped at her tears slowly, taking a breath.

Someone stepped over to the coffin beside her, and once the blurriness of her vision cleared, she looked upwards and her emerald eyes saw that it was Damon.  
He was by himself, Caroline and Elena were across the room talking to Liz. Bonnie watched the towering dark haired man pull a flask out of his dress pants pocket, and unscrew the cap.

Bonnie shook her head. Damon would probably do anything not to be there. All he ever did was drink bourbon, and complain.  
She was starting to turn around and walk away, but then she heard Damon speak.

"I don't know why Bonnie isn't here. I wish she was, she should be." he said quietly, and she slowly turned back around, looking at him.

Damon took a swig out of the flask before continuing, "Don't worry, I'll give her a good text scolding."

Bonnie's lips actually turned up at the edges.

"Not that she's answered any of my other texts." he said with a chuckle.

Bonnie furrowed her brow. Had Damon been texting her? Jeremy never mentioned anything about that.

Damon swallowed, and licked at his lips.

"As Walt Whitman said: 'All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses, and to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.'" he pursed his lips, "I have to agree with him. To live and die is to be lucky, I think. Not that I would know."

Damon's lips turned up at the corners, and Bonnie moved closer to him. He wasn't talking to her, but, it sure felt like it. And for one of the first time's, Bonnie didn't feel so alone, or lost.

"I hope you never know." Bonnie whispered, and reached a hand out, touching his arm, even though she knew he couldn't feel it.

Suddenly, for a brief second, Damon looked startled, and his eyes flickered over to where Bonnie's hand was. Bonnie inhaled and pulled her hand away quickly.

Confusion flashed over Damon's eyes, and after a second he screwed the cap back on his flask, and shoved it in his pocket.

"Farewell." he said, looking back at the casket.

"Farewell." Bonnie repeated, looking into the side of his face. 

All goes onward and outward, nothing collapses,  
And to die is different from what any one supposed, and luckier.


End file.
